Anastacia Kelley

I didn't finish this book but I think I'll go ahead and give my opinion anyway.
I cannot fathom why anyone with any smidgen of intellect whatsoever would give this book more than 1 or 2 stars. I have never seen so much repetitive drivel in any book-and I've read 1,000's. I've been reading since I was 4 and I can honestly say that this is one of the worst books in the world.
At first, I wasn't going to write a review because I'm an author myself. But, I figured since I don't write in that specific genre, I would go ahead. And why not? I'm a reader as well.
If anyone can find a plot in this 1 dimensional load, please let me know. There's no story from what I've read. Just Ana biting her lip in every other paragraph, having an Inner Goddess and subconscious. Does James even know how to use these?
It's unbelievable because James can't even get her locations straight. Ana is American so why does she use British-isms? Ana is supposed to be this very smart college student yet she has a five year old vocabulary? She has never had a computer yet she attends college? Yeah, right. Calling it a 'mean machine' was laughable.
Ana is a virgin who's thrown into BDSM with a psycho with mom issues. I seriously doubt that happens in real life. No virgin on her first time has that many orgasms. I don't know of any woman who can climax just when he commands her to.
First of all, Christian and Ana's relationship isn't a loving one--it's a delusional, abusive one. Romance isn't when the man tells you what to do, when to do it, what to eat, when to eat, when to climax and he doesn't keep tabs on the woman's every move. That's called stalking. Had Grey been a middle class man, the same women who drooled over Grey would've had a restraining order against him. A 27 year old self made Billionaire? I don't think so.
I have asked many women if they thought the 'tampon part' was romantic. I would really love a show of hands that tell me that they thought that yanking Ana's tampon out and getting her from behind is swoon worthy. The only thing it turned on was my gag reflex.
Even EL James says she wasn't a good writer. Had I known before hand that she had so little confidence in her work, I wouldn't even had opened to the first page.
In her own words, James even admitted to a friend, saying that she just wanted to make a buck. So, she really is laughing all the way to the bank. I can't help but think that she has labeled all the ones who bought her book--especially the ones who gave her a perfect score--as suckers. I'm glad I didn't put one red cent toward such a trashy, thesaurus-ly challenged book. She didn't even care that she couldn't write. She just googled BDSM and starting putting words on a page. Note to James: "Just because you can put a sentence together doesn't make you an author."
There is real erotica out there that stays true to BDSM. Please seek it. If you consider this book to spice up your marriage, I'm truly sorry. This has to be the lowest form of sexual play I've read.
Not only is it ridiculous but it's dangerous to imitate this couple's sadistic sex scenes with your partner. There are guidebooks that teach you the proper way to tie up your lover. If you tie up the hands the wrong way, you can actually permanently damage the nerves in the wrists, making it impossible to even lift a glass. Wow, doesn't that sound erotic?
There's nothing wrong with BDSM, but I urge you to seek out professionals who really know what they're doing, not because they read 'Wikipedia'.
If you took out the repetitive parts and the many vanilla sex scenes, this entire trilogy could've been wrapped up in a 350-400 page book.
Though, I think it still would've been a waste of time.
I just hope this will be her last attempt at writing a book, since this wasn't an original piece of work to begin with. Had it not been for 'Twilight', she probably would've left well enough alone. Let's hope she doesn't copy any other author's work and move on.
I can say this, it wasn't her 'brilliant' writing that sold so many books, it was purely clever marketing. James is in that business before her sad attempt at a novel.
But, this is just my opinion. If you loved this book, fine. But, I'm having a hard time getting a straight answer from the 5 star reviews explaining why this book was 'genius', 'so very well written' and 'can't wait for the movie'.
I am beginning to think with many others that most 5 stars on Amazon are fake or they were paid for them without reading the book. Many have asked for a reason. But none can really say why it's the next Dickens' classic.
I've went through some of the book but this was as far as I could get before I wanted to poke out my eyes.

 

'I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror. Damn my hair—it just won’t behave, and damn Katherine Kavanagh for being ill and subjecting me to this ordeal. I should be studying for my final exams, which are next week, yet here I am trying to brush my hair into submission. I must not sleep with it wet. I must not sleep with it wet. Reciting this mantra several times, I attempt, once more, to bring it under control with the brush. I roll my eyes in exasperation and gaze at the pale, brown-haired girl with blue eyes too big for her face staring back at me, and give up. My only option is to restrain my wayward hair in a ponytail and hope that I look semi-presentable.'
Why would James devote so much time to Ana brushing her hair?  I don't think it was needed.  I think all she needed to write was a few short sentences.
"Ana grabbed her brush from the vanity and scowled as she tried to tame her unruly locks.  It was her own fault for sleeping with it wet.  Frustrated, she opted to pull it up into a ponytail."
The end. That's all folks. That's all we really needed to  know about the perils of hair brushing.
 "Damn my hair—it just won’t behave, and damn Katherine Kavanagh for being ill and subjecting me to this ordeal."
IDK about anyone else but this sentence was about 2 seperate subjects.
 "Kate is my roommate, and she has chosen today of all days to succumb to the flu. Therefore, she cannot attend the interview she’d arranged to do, with some mega-industrialist tycoon I’ve never heard of, for the student newspaper. So I have been volunteered. [I think it belongs here]:('Damn Katherine Kavanagh for being ill and subjecting me to this ordeal.")
“I know nothing about him,” I murmur, trying and failing to suppress my rising panic."
She fails to suppress her panic. Correct me if I'm wrong but how can you murmur while you panic? I always thought people in a panic had higher voices and faster speech.
Ana:  "I stare at her fondly."  Then,  "I smile wryly at her...."
If Ana is fond of Kate, why would she smile at her 'wryly'?  It means dry humor, mabye a bit of irony; expressions of displeasure or distaste.  Can you smile at someone with irony?
Ana doesn't seem like a good friend to me.
'....an architect’s utilitarian fantasy...."  So, this huge glass and steel monstrosity is an architect's down-to-earth, far-fetched notion?  
"GREY HOUSE written discreetly in steel over the glass front doors."  
If you're the owner of a very lucrative business, why would you want the name of your company to be unobrusive?  Anyone in a business that wants to make a lot of money or keep making a lot of money wouldn't want their sign to be conspicuous.  You would want it to be blatantly obvious.
"The elevator whisks me at terminal velocity to the twentieth floor."
The only way Ana can go UP at terminal velocity is if she can defy gravity. Terminal Velocity-- 'the constant maximum velocity reached by a body falling through the atmosphere under the attraction of gravity'. Elevators have the same speed whether going up or down unless the brakes went out or the cable come undone. Then the speed increases as you fall.
'She seems to excel at jumping from her seat.'
Anyone can jump out of their seat. It's not a gymnastic routine. Now, that is something people can actually excel in.
Why are all Grey's staff buxiom blondes?
Ana always seems to have a hard time taking off her jacket. She struggles out of a lot of things apparently.
"As our fingers touch, I feel an odd exhilarating shiver run through me. I withdraw my hand hastily, embarrassed. Must be static. I blink rapidly, my eyelids matching my heart rate.
Unless Ana scrubbed her shoes across the carpet, then it isn't static. It's called attraction. Are you really in college, Ana? C'mon, tell the truth. You're 14, right?
"I thought you might," he says, deadpan. He's laughing at me.'
No, Ana. While Grey found humor in your dimwittedness, to take a deadpan tone is to be expressionless. He can say something amusing while looking serious.  He can't laugh at you and deapan at the same time, IMO. Maybe he laughed at you later. I've been laughing at you from page 1.
'His smile is rueful, but he looks vaguely disappointed.'
He can smile ruefully AND be disppointed.  Rueful and disappointed are pretty much the same thing.  Can you be rueful but disappointed?
Mr. Grey mentions that he doesn't want to extend his family. OK, some guys don't want kids a wife, whatever. But Ana asked him if he was gay. It was so inappropriate for an interview and just a really stupid question, especially to someone you don't even know.
Christian has cocked his head quite a bit in the 1st chapter. Is he a dog?
He cancels another engagement because he wants to know more about Ana? So far, she's about as engaging as drying paint. Where's the fascination?
I was annoyed by her answering his questions in her head and we can 'hear' it. Then, she answers out loud. We don't need to be honored with the same reply back to back.
So, now he's offering her a job? And what are her qualifaications? All she did was blush, flush and repeat Kate's questions.
You, fascinated by a man? That's a first," she snorts.
With this comment, one would think it was Ana that was actually gay.

 

My rating: